By Dr. Michelle Hamilton
Every religious organization is comprised of various blends of family structures. As an individual accepts membership they are welcomed into the family of God which is the largest family of all. The congregation and the organization structure, however, are not perfect to address the needs of each family structure and singles are often left behind in the departmental programs that are geared toward their mental and emotional needs.
What do I mean specifically? There are limited activities geared towards their status such as social activities to address the physical and emotional challenges of loneliness and social events to support their emotional needs. Did you know that ‘singles’ make up the largest group in most churches? The group consists of single adults who have never been married, divorcees, widows, and widowers. However, divorcees, widows, and widowers have an experience of marriage and memories that deviates from the organic experience and varied emotional needs of those who have never been married. As a result, the emotional needs are similar in some instances but also very different. Our views of these individuals also differ. What do I mean? The divorcee, widow, and widowers are accepted as being able to have experienced a normal lifestyle while those who have never been married are considered incomplete and singleness is often perceived as a condition that needs treatment.
Remarks such as: “One day you will find your other half”, “You are probably too picky that’s why you can’t find a mate”, “You don’t make yourself available”, “You are not getting any younger, so what are you waiting for” or “Pray about it”. Most if not all point to the individual at fault or lacking in some area or thing. Many singles suffer silently because of the above comments made repeatedly over the years. It is true that marriage is God’s design for mankind but it was never a requirement for happiness.
While some persons support the idea that singleness is a gift from God others view it as a negative status. If singleness is a gift we received at birth then give it up once you marry or if you are a divorcee or your spouse dies you get back the gift.
How do you relate to singles? Or how do you see yourself as a single person? As you ponder your response, think about your emotional needs or that of a single person. What would be the #1 desire of a single person? Instead of depending on meeting an individual to feel accepted and loved as a significant requirement for happiness why not access happiness through diverse roles, relationships, and opportunities? Here is a list of available options and opportunities for singles.
From the table above ask yourself, have I considered all my options? Am I restricting myself by waiting to live and accomplish my plans through someone’s commitment to me in marriage? If so, has God put a limit on your plans, goals, or vision with a condition apply clause for a spouse? As humans, we tend to subconsciously limit God’s plan.
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.”
Psalms 84:11
I hope this article has given you a fresh view and you can embrace the following statements:
- Singleness is not a gift
- Singleness is not a condition to be treated, you are not broken or need fixing
- Singleness does not limit one’s opportunities or happiness
- Singles have equal opportunities to be happy and content without a life partner
- Singles are complete persons not incomplete individuals
- Being single does not exclude your ability to fall in love as the highest form of love is Agape love
Finally, remember Jesus is our example, and here are a few facts about Jesus to think about:
- Jesus was SINGLE
- Jesus did not procreate in human flesh but is the father of all mankind
- Jesus experienced love, peace, joy, longsuffering, scorn, hate, shame, grief, anger, and fear but they did not overwhelm him as he was dependent on GOD
- Jesus did not experience sexual intimacy
- Jesus experienced temptation
- JESUS WAS NEVER ALONE AND NEITHER ARE YOU
